Sunday, January 24, 2010

Weekend happenings and rambling thoughts

This weekend went by in a blur. It seems that weekends always go by at warp speed, but this one seemed to go even faster! I had a fantastic day on Saturday with a true "day off." I don't really take any time for myself during the day - even on weekends - and Chris thought I should take some time off from Mommy duty. I had a gift certificate to the spa from my birthday and booked an appointment for the morning while Chris planned to take the kids to the museum. As I left, Chris told me to stay out as long as I wanted and knowing they had a fun-filled day ahead of them I didn't feel guilty about taking him up on his advice.

I do have to confess that it was a bit hard to leave the house when the girls were just waking up. That is when there is just so much work to do with getting the girls up, dressed, Emma's CIs on, breakfast...I feel a bit guilty saying that I was happy to drive off to the spa :-) I had a massage and facial and it was relaxing and then I went to the coffee shop for a bite to eat, a hot drink and curled up with my book. I'm knee deep in a great Alex Delaware novel and stayed there for a while reading. Then I hit the candy store where I bought some candy molds, pink and milk chocolate rounds, and some Valentine sprinkles and bags to make some treats with the girls. Since I had time and no one with me I stopped in a couple of other stores to browse and then camped out at Borders with my gift card and skimmed a couple of books and magazines and promptly lost track of time. When I came up for air I called home and found Chris was making a yummy chicken dinner and so I decided to stop by the grocery to pick up a fresh loaf of bread. I walked in the door at just about 5 pm and realized that I had been gone for the entire day - all on my own. And, it is still more than 3 hours less than Chris is away from home each day for work.

While it felt good to get away and spend time on myself, I felt guilty for being away for so long. I know it's good to recharge your system once in a while, but I also know how much work it is at home. Emma requires a lot of hands-on time and balancing that along with Julia's needs is challenging and it's so much easier with two people.

I know Chris feels guilty, too, when he takes time for himself. I never really felt this way with Julia (before Emma came along) and I'm wondering if this is common for parent's of special needs children or if we are an anomaly. There is always so much to do that you can never keep up. We are constantly reminded by well meaning people of all the things to work on with Emma. Of how far behind she is, of milestones missed. Believe me, my body knows that she is behind on milestones! Emma is getting bigger and heavier by the day and I am thankful that she is thriving but also looking forward to seeing her sit independently or move/crawl around on her own. But, the truth is I just love my girls and I love being Mom. I want to focus on having fun and playing games and not feel guilty at all. And while I think that I usually do a decent job at balancing between fun and therapy, there is always that little bit of nagging guilt in the back of my head that I'm not doing enough.

But in my heart I know we are doing more than enough - we are doing everything possible. And everyone needs a break, including little girls and Moms. And I'm thankful that we both got one this weekend.

3 Comments from readers:

Anonymous said...

Oh, that sounds like just the PERFECT day! And my oh my do you ever deserve it. There is so much wisdom in this post that it can barely be contained. I think what's most important is knowing that what's in your heart is absolutely always spot on, regardless of how the mind likes to play its little guilty games. And as you know, we have a lot on our plates and recharging needs to be part of the plan so that we can keep it the hard work of being so awesome :-)

Wherever HE Leads We'll Go said...

Sounds like a fantastic day! Why is it that we feel guilty when we have time to ourselves? We really do need to be recharged - I think that is especially true for moms with Special Needs kids because the demands are that much greater. I think having those times to ourselves once in a while makes us better moms. How could we feel guilty about that?

The Calm The Storm said...

You are both unbelievable parents and you need some time to yourself to "chillax" and revive!