*Almost* Wordless Wednesday

A photo selection from the Fall. No words are needed - Emma's face says it all!

What? Me? No way, no how. I wasn't checking any man out. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Squeal of delight

Remember when you were a child and you would swing on the swings and throw your head back and look at the sky and laugh and laugh and laugh? I love that!

Today, Emma laughed like that. Actually, it was more of a squeal of delight. We finished her 32nd HBOT treatment and were taking a food break before the long ride home. Right before heading home I decided to give Emma some standing time to see what she would do. I held her under her arms to help her stand but she was bearing most of her weight herself and holding her head up on her own. Julia was on the other side of the room and so I told Emma to go over and get Julia. And.............she started to move her feet in a stepping pattern! She walked all the way over to Julia with me holding her under her elbows helping her switch her weight from side to side, but it was ALL Emma on moving her feet in the stepping pattern! She has never done this before - never taken more than a step or two at the most. Today she walked across the room -with a bit of help - to go get Julia and she squealed with delight the whole time!

Julia and me were sooooooo excited for Emma! We decided to let her try again from a shorter distance and she did! Then, when Chris came home from work Julia helped me again and Emma showed him some of her stepping/walking motions. We are all very excited about this new development and hope that Emma keeps it up! We've been talking with her PTs about testing different gait trainers and her taking steps will be key to her success in a trainer. I'll try and take a short video of this and post it when it happens again.

For now I'm savoring the complete and utter joy that Emma imparted from her squeals of delight at her walking. And the joy that Julia showed while jumping and and down when Emma reached her. That made my week!

Weekend happenings and rambling thoughts

This weekend went by in a blur. It seems that weekends always go by at warp speed, but this one seemed to go even faster! I had a fantastic day on Saturday with a true "day off." I don't really take any time for myself during the day - even on weekends - and Chris thought I should take some time off from Mommy duty. I had a gift certificate to the spa from my birthday and booked an appointment for the morning while Chris planned to take the kids to the museum. As I left, Chris told me to stay out as long as I wanted and knowing they had a fun-filled day ahead of them I didn't feel guilty about taking him up on his advice.

I do have to confess that it was a bit hard to leave the house when the girls were just waking up. That is when there is just so much work to do with getting the girls up, dressed, Emma's CIs on, breakfast...I feel a bit guilty saying that I was happy to drive off to the spa :-) I had a massage and facial and it was relaxing and then I went to the coffee shop for a bite to eat, a hot drink and curled up with my book. I'm knee deep in a great Alex Delaware novel and stayed there for a while reading. Then I hit the candy store where I bought some candy molds, pink and milk chocolate rounds, and some Valentine sprinkles and bags to make some treats with the girls. Since I had time and no one with me I stopped in a couple of other stores to browse and then camped out at Borders with my gift card and skimmed a couple of books and magazines and promptly lost track of time. When I came up for air I called home and found Chris was making a yummy chicken dinner and so I decided to stop by the grocery to pick up a fresh loaf of bread. I walked in the door at just about 5 pm and realized that I had been gone for the entire day - all on my own. And, it is still more than 3 hours less than Chris is away from home each day for work.

While it felt good to get away and spend time on myself, I felt guilty for being away for so long. I know it's good to recharge your system once in a while, but I also know how much work it is at home. Emma requires a lot of hands-on time and balancing that along with Julia's needs is challenging and it's so much easier with two people.

I know Chris feels guilty, too, when he takes time for himself. I never really felt this way with Julia (before Emma came along) and I'm wondering if this is common for parent's of special needs children or if we are an anomaly. There is always so much to do that you can never keep up. We are constantly reminded by well meaning people of all the things to work on with Emma. Of how far behind she is, of milestones missed. Believe me, my body knows that she is behind on milestones! Emma is getting bigger and heavier by the day and I am thankful that she is thriving but also looking forward to seeing her sit independently or move/crawl around on her own. But, the truth is I just love my girls and I love being Mom. I want to focus on having fun and playing games and not feel guilty at all. And while I think that I usually do a decent job at balancing between fun and therapy, there is always that little bit of nagging guilt in the back of my head that I'm not doing enough.

But in my heart I know we are doing more than enough - we are doing everything possible. And everyone needs a break, including little girls and Moms. And I'm thankful that we both got one this weekend.

Playing with cousins is the BEST

The girls and I spent the last two weeks at my sister's house. Their house is BUSY! Four children two adults and one dog plus friends up and down the block make for a lot of excitement. Much more excitement than my children have ever seen in our house!

Julia was in heaven playing with her cousins. In fact, when we came home for the weekend in between weeks she was a bit distraught that she had "no cousins to play with!" She was able to stay up later at night, watch movies with the kids, eat a non-fruit snack before bed and play musical beds each night. We played a lot of games and she made a friend with a child across the street that is almost the same age as her. We even went and saw the movie The Princess and the Frog. What more could a 4 year old ask for?

As for Emma, she made a huge amount of progress with her gross motor skills. She is such a busy-body that she didn't want to miss out on any of the action! She kept her head held high, stood in her stander without her tray for a long period of time most days, played Bingo with us (ok, she kept tossing everything on the ground but that shows HUGE progress on her part!), and sat in an Indian-style position unsupported for about 5 minutes at a stretch. This is all after she spent the day having 2 HBOT treatments, a bit of exercise in between each treatment, and a 2 hour ride in the car.

Oh, and Emma also didn't have much sleep with all of this because because I forgot her pacifier and decided it was time to wean her off of it instead of buying a new one. She only took the binky when she went down to sleep anyway, but she just LOVED it! Loved as in she would giggle like crazy when she knew she would get the binky in her mouth. I just love that giggle - it's so darn cute! So, why am I so mean to take it from her? I need more sleep and I think her binky was a big reason she wakes up at night. When she would lose it from her mouth she would wake up and cry for us to come back in the room and put it in her mouth. Her arms are not that advanced to be able to find the binky, grab it and put it in her mouth so she needed us to help her out which meant a lot of interrupted sleep for us (well, really, it was mostly me as Chris can sleep through crying babies). I was hoping that without the binky to start with she won't wake up and cry for us to replace it once it fell out. She wasn't a happy camper -ok, that's a huge understatement!- but eventually adjusted to bedtime without the binky. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this will mean more sleep for everyone in our house.

The kids are all really into music and liked to put on the iPod and dance around. Emma was pleased as could be that they included her in this by pushing her all around in either her chair or stander to the music. It was SOOOO nice to see Emma included as just one of the gang. And, she KNEW it, too! She was loving moving around with the kids without hanging next to Mom all the time. Of all the kids, though, Emma was really sweet on Christopher and she kept talking like crazy when he was around. I heard quite a few consonants coming out of her mouth along with the vowels and I would say there were even 3 syllable sounds. This was all music to my ears!

So, we took two weeks off of standard therapy (and preschool for Julia) and got 20 HBOT treatments under our belt. Emma has now completed 29 dives and has 11 to go that we will fit in over the next couple of weeks while she participates in her standard therapy sessions. We'll commute to the HBOT clinic from our house making for a bit longer days but we know that it will be over in a few weeks and are praying that the time and money spent on HBOT will allow Emma to make great gains in her speech and motor skills. Time will tell for sure but we have noticed some changes in Emma since we started the HBOT (will post more on this in the future) and that gives us hope.

I think it did us all good to take the time off. It was really nice for me to spend quality time with my sister and her family. We don't get to visit together nearly as often as we would like and the extended visit really felt that we could just relax and hang out. I love seeing how independent and outgoing Julia can act when she is with her cousins. She is an amazing little girl and I really hope the next house we buy has some children her age nearby. Seeing Emma fit in as one of the gang - and how strong she was getting by trying to keep up with all the kids - did wonders for my heart. There were so many times that I was touched with how the kids played with Emma that it helped heal my heart a little more.

So, we had two weeks away from home and off from therapy. Thanks so much to the Nitka's for hosting us! We had a blast and will definitely make time for more sleep overs. As for "no cousins to play with?" Well, we all missed Chris and Finnegan and even though it's nice to get away, it's always good to be home again.

Things that make me smile

We have this long drive to/from HBOT treatments for Emma and that gives me loads of time to think about things. My recent thoughts have been around all the little things that make me happy. Really, I'm a pretty easy gal to please.

So, what has me smiling lately?

• Finding my favorite song on the car radio and singing it at the top of my lungs and hearing the girls in the back seat *singing* it with me.
• A snow day that cancels school and we all get an extra day off to spend together as a family. Hot chocolate, a favorite movie, building a snowman.
• Being curled up on the couch with a warm blanket, a cup of tea and a great book.
• A full nights sleep without anyone waking up. Truthfully? This makes me absolutely giddy!
• A kiss from Chris when he comes home from work.
• Julia coming over to me just long enough to give me a huge hug and a kiss and then move on to play with her toys. Aaahhhh......the joy of impromptu love from your child!
• Emma's giggle. It's contagious.
• "Finding" the girls under the covers, in their forts, in the closet and hearing them laugh like crazy while I'm looking for them and then their squeal of delight when I find them.
• The McDonald's coffee cup. I just tried McD's coffee in the winter for the first time and fell in love with the cup! It's amazing how this cup holds red hot coffee yet is not even warm in my hand. There is no need to use that annoying cardboard covering over the cup. How come they seem to be the only outfit that uses such a cup? I am now a repeat customer at McD's ;-)

What makes you smile?